What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?

I usually sleep over one of mi sides, but that night I layed over my back to look up and implore an answer. I fell asleep in that position with my fingers entwined and a question looping in my head “What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?…”

My options were: finding a cheaper place to rent within 3 weeks, look for someone to borrow money from, or traveling all the way back to my hometown and stay at my mom’s house. The first one was a challenge, It took me about six months to find that studio room because the city is always crowded with college students coming from all over the country to study here (not for nothing is called “La ciudad universitaria”). The second option could extend my time to figure out what to do, but adding bills without guarantee was totally out of my comfort zone thereby it wasn’t a real solution. The third option would have meant quit my job and take a huge step back on my way towards independence.

The next day I went out to have a normal day and happened a series of things that had never happened to me. Long story short, I end up at airport by the afternoon, not because of the third option but for other reason. However, doing the line to talk with the ticket seller I pondered deeply. Is this the signal? Is this your answer? Should I take this opportunity to book a flight?.

Suddenly my phone rings, which is weird because I always have it on vibrate mode (I use to receive complains about that, but I really hate a phone ringing, I try to keep close to feel it but still I miss some calls), but again, nothing about that day was usual so it didn’t quite surprised me. It was a friend from college, that kind of friend that no matter the time that pass without contacting, you trust them. And he said,

-Hey are you busy?

– Swamped! but shoot me, what’s up?

– Ok, I’ll keep it short then, I know the last time we talked you said you were happy where you live but I have an aunt that has a big apartment close to my house, I know it sounds expensive but she doesn’t need the money, she only wants someone reliable to take care of the place, so just because it’s you, she said you can rent it and set the price you can afford, are you interested?

– Yes! Yes! Yes!

– Does that mean: Yes, I am interested and I am going to think about it?

– No, It means. Yes, I am moving!

– What?

– I have to go, I’ll call you later!

It was my turn to talk with the lady, and I made a tremendous effort to focus on doing what I went to do, but inside I was crying a river. And no, I wasn’t there to book a flight.

I thought about all the things that had to happen for all that be possible. Starting from college, when I made that friend and become close to their family, or his aunt buying that apartment (not to mention all what she have had to live that lead her to leave but not sell the place), to the moment when he decided to make that call, right at my breaking point. No way!, there is not a reasonable explanation, everything was so unusual, so complex and extensive series of events, it couldn’t be anything but GOD.

I was just asking for wisdom to choose the least bad option. I wasn’t expenting such a bless. Now I wonder, are our lives already written? Maybe our decisions are reduced to just those critical moments. Should we spend all the money we make on things that make us happy? Or should we save money for a future that we don’t know how much longer is going to be? Should we consider changing something in our lives that is simply “Ok” but does not really fill our soul? Or should we appreciate what we have and not give it for granted?

Of course, there is not one single answer, we all cannot do the same, it would be crazy. So in my case, what I do is always ask to the one and only that never fails. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?

I cannot do that. Can I?

We usually say we do not have time, money or support to do something, when the truth of the matter is that we do not admit that we simply don’t want to do it.

I never have “time” to party with my friends but I never refuse a long coffee-talk with them, or staying up late for a series that I got hooked on (even on workdays).

I usually don’t have “money” to go out to dinner, but on regular basis I secretly go for the most expensive ice cream of the ice cream shop that is on my way coming back home.

I love my friends, to dance, to sing, and of course, share meals with them. However, I hide under the shade of these umbrellas (lack of money or time) often, but lucky me, they understand and still love me. I feel uncomfortable in crowded environments. I could save and add up the money from those ice creams and be able to afford those dinners time to time, but: living alone, far from my family, working 24/7 and saving every penny that I can on my purchases from the supermarket, makes that ice cream my one and only reward and non-negotiable expense.

When we really want something, we have everything but excuses. I sabotaged my learning of English

during so much time, because I thought there was not point. If I wasn’t going to use it with anybody, I was going to forget it anyways. I missed opportunities that I had of taking proper classes, I never tried to understand a movie without subtitles or looked up the lyrics of songs I couldn’t catch, I didn’t look for ways to practice my writing nor speaking.

Now that English is the biggest obstacle between me and my dream come true, it can be noted a difference. Without money, spare time or someone taking me seriously, I am: taking advantage of every single free tool I find, staying up late or waking up early to practice, ignoring rolling eyes or condescending looks. The most impressive part is that I have been doing all that for a while now without so much effort, so what has changed? As the same as my ice cream during my walks in the park, drinking my expresso during a meaningful talk, and crying and laughing alone when watching my series, now to improve my English is something that I really want to do.

A tender discovery

I knew it was the one at first sight. I ignored I wanted something like that, I have never had an artistic vein, but those yellow, orange, brown, and red colors hypnotized me. Who would have known that in the general local store was the painting that would spark the bonfire that now exist here, in my heart.

This canvas, smaller than the cake tray in rectangular form, illustrates a black metal bench in its bottom right quadrant, among fall-color leaves. Around the bench, the leaves partially hide a portion of a curved walkway which has the leading role on the whole picture, with trees and a calmed body of water on background. That empty seat invited me to travel there, sit down, drink my hot chocolate with little pieces of cheese floating on top (yes, cheese! Not marshmallows) and enjoy the view.

After a few regular visits to the market with me making her stop a minute in front of the only autumn I knew, my mom bought it for me. My siblings made fun of me for being the only kid that asks for a generic boring painting located just across the ice cream shop.

That little weirdo observed and observed, then started to dream about it. I did remakes of it (too poorly done) at different times of the day, with mysefl in it, with a blanket instead of a bench with a picnic all set up over it, with kids running around, and even with a partner watching the sunset, which was convinient because I had to draw just the silhoutte of us, the trees and the leaves in black.

I love my country, but sometimes I think the stork delivered me in the wrong place. I still dream with traveling to a city were people do not need to move to feel in a different context troughout the year, landing in a random October worthy of captures, and make it last forever.

Continue reading “A tender discovery”

My first Liebster Award

This is for the person who gave me my first like in my brand new blog, I was not expecting that someone even read it so soon, and the fact that you are an english teacher was simply icing on the cake.
Thank you for
nominating me and your support! jesusluvsall.wordpress.com

11 questions from Matt

1. What is you blog mostly about?

My short stories are inspired on things that I or people close to me
have lived, some of them might be modified to make them more entertaining to the reader, and I am trying to develop my description skills to deliver good picturing in the reader’s mind.

2.  Why did you start your blog?

I wanted a commitment to use my English and improve it, I am looking forward to receive comment and build my own writing style, my personality in my second language.

3. How often do you post in your blog? Is there a regular day or days?

I am writing daily on a language exchange app, and I am planning to write in this blog on sundays longer versions of the stories more liked during the week on the app.

4.What is your favorite place you have traveled to?

I don’t have to much to choose from, but my biggest trip was to Saint Martin island. There were so much diversity, all the people I met spoke at least two languages well and know a bit of other. It was so unreal and magical for me. Loved it.

5. What languages do you speak?

Native speaker of Spanish, and intermediate level of English.

6. If you don’t mind sharing, what is your faith?

My mom is a Catholic Christian and my dad is Evangelical Christian. If I have to identify myself I would say Catholic Christian because my dad wasn’t much around when I was little, so grew up more Catholic, but the truth of the matter is I am not a so religious person, although, I do believe in God and Jesus.

7. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Let’s say I have seasons, currently I am a night owl.

8. When is the best time for you to write?

Midnight. Sometimes I say, today I’m going to sleep early but an idea comes I can’t help it.

9. What country  or countries would you like to visit and why?

U.S.A. Especially, San Francisco. I could write a million reasons why, but basicly because I think the whole world should visit Los Estados Unidos at least once before die. Music, movies, innovation, resources, technology, discoveries… We owe to them so much, and at the end of the day, despite everything, Americans help humanity move forward.

10. What is your favorite song?

I am really bad at choosing favorite things, but one song from all times that (to my mind) doesn’t have a rival is More than words by Extreme.

11.What is your favorite season and why?

Funny question because my next post will be about this. In my country we only have 2 seasons and they are not so much different respect each other. I like template weather.

11 random thoughts about myself.

1. I am a civil engineer and I want to be a specialist on bridge engineering.

2. I took the TOEFL the last November and I got 71 but I need 90+, I am not giving up.

3. I am figuring out a random curiosity. How much can my hair grow before it gets to long for me to bear. So far I have 3 years without cutting it and it is passing my low back.

4. I like to knit crochet. My current project is a dress.

5. I like making bread. My specialty are cinnamon rolls.

6. I am decent singer for family reunions. Outside of that I am really shy.

7. When little I was the mom of my friends. Their parents let them go anywhere as long as I were in the group.

8. I am not so good with technology respect to an average millennials.

9. I like dacing but not partying.

10. I am not a good small-talk talker. I get super awkward, and start to answer or ask the most stupid things.

11. My dad is bilingual, he used to speak English for his work (tourist driver) but he only spoke Spanish to me. When I have my children I want to rise them with both languages. It just give you twice oppotunities in whatever you want to do.

My 11 nominees are:

1. English language teaching & testing guide. elttguide.com

2. TOEFL Exam Vouchers. toeflexamvouchers.com

3. Excel writing. excelwriting.com

4. From Short Stories to a Novel in 2019. paulareadman1.com

5. Bird Brains & Dog Tales. birdbrainsandogtales.worpress.com

6. Crochet a long with us! calcrochetalong.com

7. Spin a yarn crochet. spinayarncrochet.com

8. Forest Elf Crochet. forestelfcrochet.wordpress.com

9. Jim’s bakery. jimsbakery.wordpress.com

10. BEENA’S RECIPES. beenasrecipes.com

11. YummyHood. yummyhood.com

11 questions for my nominees:

1. What is your advice for me about this blog?

2. What do you like to read for entertainment?

3. Which is the post that you are most proud of?

4. What activity you can do without feeling tired, hungry, thirsty… and do it for free?

5. What is the biggest lesson a younger person has taught you?

6. What or who has make you change your mind from “I don’t like…” to “Now, I like…” or vice versa? (Food, person, song, place…) and why?

7. Describe women and men to a kid. (Keep it short)

8. Order by importance to you:

Love, money, Health.

9. Saving money or living the day?

10. If any question about your future can be answered right now, but only one, what would it be?

11. Who whould you say are your biggest influencers in life? (Teacher, parents, friends…)

The teacher knew it.

They knew each other for years before, they went to the same high school, and their families knew each other, but they had never swum in the same pool. He was owner of the ball of the children’s games on the block, and she was the girl that everybody wanted as partner in group assignments but the one picked out the last in any other activity. He had the newest phone model respect to the rest of us, and the first one driving a car, while she got her favorite chocolate as reward for being ranked first of the class every year.

They never even dreamed with being more than familiar faces, but one day, a the Spanish teacher assigned to class an essay about their visions of the next 5 years. The day Mrs. Zabala delivered the class grades, she ask to both of them to stand up, then she dedicade compliments to them about their personal essays and suggested to share them with the class or at least one to another, but they crossed their sights from opposite points of the room and they knew neither of them wanted, he was embarrassed for being call on along with the nerd, and then felt bad for her because he noted she could read it in his face, in the other side, she got flushed just by thinking in facing the guy that all the ladies were crazy for, and then relieved by the wordless conversation she had with him. Just with a look exchange, she knew his decision and that he was sorry for it, and he knew she knew what was going to be his answer and that she was ok with it.

Something unique must have been in both essays and the theacher knew it, because despite whether they wanted or not, they spend the next 8 years alongside each other. They never talked about those essays, they were far behind when they got the confidence to have that kind of conversation, but they may picture some ideas. Both of them left their hometown to study the same career in the same place. They had pasions, ethic and hard core principles in common, but the distance between their worlds ketp.

They developed a symbiotic friendship that never got too personal but 100% reliable in any sense. They never talked about their deepest fears or guilty desires, but if one needed a hand with something, the other were going to be there no questions asked.

Now thousands of kilometers pull them apart, and since they are not good phone-talkers, they realized they got used to each other presences and now their absences hit them more than they expected. Just like it happen with siblings, giving for granted the other’s existence and appreciating it when is too late. Hopefully, also as siblings, they know they will cross each others’ paths again, and from their last speechless communication, they know this time both want it to happen.

The teacher knew that was going to happen eventually, and maybe she is the only that knows how this story is going to end.